Monday, July 25, 2011

Recipes for Eating the Rich

The Boehner BBQ:

The Senator is fat, but also old (62), so while he has a fair amount of meat on his bones, remember he is a public servant (*cough*), therefore his meat will range from overly fatty to lean "bone" meat that has the consistency of jerky. Also, he is one of those public servants (*cough*) that refuses to make his tax return public, so he's also a chicken shit. Chicken shit, as you may or may not know, tends to sour the meat.

Recommendations: tenderize, tenderize, tenderize followed by a 24 hour period of marination. After this, you may prefer a slow roast or bury him in some Luau sand with hot coals like they do with pigs. This will take some time, so you must be patient.

Consider some cabbage as a side with some pork-n-beans.

For those of you on Weight Watchers: One small 8 oz Boehner stake is approximately 124 points, which for most of you will be your entire ration for the week.

Reid's Ribs:

Senator Harry Reid is in much the same position as his Republican counterpart. He has an estimated net worth of over 5 million. This means he is one fat sow which means flavor for your and me.
I would go with a spicy rub for his outer flanks, trim the fat whenever possible (which is more than he does. Consider a massive deep fry (use peanut oil) with beer breading. I know . . . a big vat of oil for a Senator is a bit risky, but he's from Nevada, the "come lose your money in our casinos" state. I think it's worth the gamble.

Roasted potatoes sprinkled with cold butter and rosemary. Corn. He's a Mormon. Mormon's love corn, possibly because it doesn't resemble portion of the male or female anatomy (not counting the clitoris).

The richest man in the world as of this writing is Carlos Slim:

Mmm, Mexican. In one of the poorest, problematic countries on the Northern American continent, he has the most.


Consider fajitas, slow roasting and shredding for enchiladas, be liberal with the cheese, because Mr. Slim is anything but slim, so there's plenty to go around.

Frijoles with roast jalapenos and well seasoned rice.

Read the damn comic.

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